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Basic Toilet Humor

Toilet humor has traditionally served as the comfort zone in everyday journalism, and writers stay alert to significant toilet tales and key events, notably connected to soccer. What a delight it was to find out that an online journalist Adrian Chiles possesses a urinal decorated with West Brom motifs at his home. Spare a thought for the Barnsley fan who took the rest room rather too directly, and had to be saved from an empty Oakwell stadium following dozing off in the toilet midway through a 2015 losing match against Fleetwood Town. “He was barefoot and couldn't find his phone and his headwear,” explained a Barnsley fire station spokesperson. And nobody can overlook when, at the height of his fame at Manchester City, Mario Balotelli entered a community college for toilet purposes during 2012. “Balotelli parked his Bentley outside, then came in and was asking where the toilets were, subsequently he entered the faculty room,” a student told local Manchester media. “After that he was just walking around the college grounds like he owned the place.”

The Restroom Quitting

This Tuesday commemorates a quarter-century to the day that Kevin Keegan resigned as the England coach after a brief chat inside a lavatory booth together with Football Association official David Davies in the bowels of Wembley, after the notorious 1-0 loss by Germany in 2000 – the Three Lions' last game at the famous old stadium. According to Davies' personal account, his confidential FA records, he entered the drenched troubled England locker room immediately after the match, only to find David Beckham in tears and Tony Adams motivated, both players begging for the official to reason with Keegan. Following Dietmar Hamann’s free-kick, Keegan walked slowly through the tunnel with a distant gaze, and Davies discovered him collapsed – just as he was at Anfield in 1996 – in the dressing room corner, saying quietly: “I’m off. I’m not for this.” Collaring Keegan, Davies attempted urgently to save the circumstance.

“Where on earth could we find for confidential discussion?” remembered Davies. “The passageway? Swarming with media. The dressing room? Heaving with emotional players. The bathing section? I couldn't conduct an important discussion with an England manager as players dived into the water. Just a single choice remained. The lavatory booths. A dramatic moment in England’s long football history happened in the old toilets of a stadium facing demolition. The impending destruction could almost be smelled in the air. Pulling Kevin into a stall, I secured the door behind us. We stayed there, eye to eye. ‘You can’t change my mind,’ Kevin said. ‘I’m out of here. I’m not up to it. I’m going out to the press to tell them I’m not up to it. I cannot inspire the squad. I can't extract the additional effort from these athletes that's required.’”

The Results

Therefore, Keegan stepped down, subsequently confessing he considered his stint as England manager “without spirit”. The two-time Ballon d’Or winner added: “I found it hard to fill in the time. I began working with the visually impaired team, the deaf team, working with the ladies team. It’s a very difficult job.” The English game has progressed significantly over the past twenty-five years. For better or worse, those stadium lavatories and those iconic towers are long gone, while a German now sits in the coaching zone Keegan formerly inhabited. Thomas Tuchel’s side are among the favourites for the upcoming Geopolitics World Cup: Three Lions supporters, appreciate this period. This particular anniversary from one of the Three Lions’ darkest days is a reminder that things were not always so comfortable.

Current Reports

Tune in with Luke McLaughlin at 8pm British Summer Time for women's football cup news from Arsenal 2-1 OL Lyonnes.

Quote of the Day

“We remained in an extended queue, wearing only our undergarments. We represented Europe's top officials, top sportspeople, examples, mature people, mothers and fathers, resilient characters with great integrity … but no one said anything. We scarcely made eye contact, our eyes shifted somewhat anxiously while we were called forward two by two. There Collina inspected us completely with a chilly look. Silent and observant” – ex-international official Jonas Eriksson reveals the humiliating procedures referees were previously subjected to by former Uefa head of referees Pierluigi Collina.

Football Daily Letters

“What’s in a name? There’s a poem by Dr Seuss named ‘Too Many Daves’. Has Blackpool experienced Excessive Steves? Steve Bruce, together with staff Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been dismissed through the exit. Is this the termination of the Steve fascination? Not completely! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie continue to take care of the first team. Full Steve ahead!” – John Myles

“Now you have loosened the purse strings and distributed some merchandise, I've chosen to type and offer a concise remark. Ange Postecoglou states that he picked fights on the school grounds with children he anticipated would defeat him. This pain-seeking behavior must justify his choice to sign with Nottingham Forest. As an enduring Tottenham follower I'll continue appreciating the subsequent season award but the only second-season trophy I can see him winning by the Trent, if he lasts that long, is the second tier and that would be a significant battle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|