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I'm the Ruler of the Common Cold – and I Can Reveal How to Avoid One

This time the previous year, I was filming a television show alongside three vocalists. Present were a hip-hop artist with Ghanaian roots, a well-known pop singer, and a famous mezzo-soprano. It was deep midwinter. The night before, I attended a longtime friend's 60th birthday, squeezed into a pub's event space in the Surrey region. It was an enjoyable evening, however at that moment, simply to make conversation, I wondered how one could prevent getting a cold when half the people at the party were part of an orchestra of winter ailments. By the way, what explains the trumpet-like nose blows, and some do not? A topic for future discussion.

Their Take by the Three Performers

When I brought up my evening, this trio of troubadours backstage at the TV studio took two actions. Firstly, they moved back a bit. Next, they started a passionate debate about preventing colds and this expected because of their careers was a major concern for them. I get that, but I'm also deeply invested – I must avoid colds at all costs because the colds I get are worse than anyone else’s. There's no doctor's note to prove it, yet I'm certain it's factual. My illnesses drag on. My nasal passages are more congested, my throat feels rougher, my coughing fits are louder, barkier and apparently endless. Those at home, wise to the couple of quick throat-clearances indicating trouble ahead, sometimes banish me or leave themselves. Back when I presented football on ITV, the unfortunate crew in the control room learned to recognize the signals. “Earpieces out!” the director would shout to everyone prior to me blasting their ears, blowing the wiring in their headphones.

Handling Nasal Congestion

When it comes to congestion, don't get me started. Sprays, drops, even the electric shock of fumes of boiling plum brandy my mum prescribes … they provide temporary relief before admitting defeat. It's hard to find something more pathetic than a Brummie tone delivered with no nasal airflow. That is, it's somewhat nasal on a good day. On the plus side, it draws pity, which isn’t always a good thing. In my first year away at university, without my mother's home remedies, the janitor in our dorm felt sorry for me. “I know exactly what you need, you unfortunate soul. I'll return shortly.” She was very lovely, distinctly Irish, and very insistent that I ate the peeled, raw onion she presented to me. She stood and watched me do so. Bless her. Didn’t achieve anything, sadly, except for upsetting my stomach and creating bad breath.

The Vocalist’s Prevention Strategy

So no, I hate colds and am convinced prevention beats cure that whether folk remedies or not, are ineffective. I listened intently along with the rapper and the pop star as the singer detailed her prevention methods. Due to upcoming holiday performances, she approached it with great diligence. She commanded us to sanitize hands regularly all winter long as far as I could deduce in addition, extra steps were needed for social events and gatherings. Before any event, she suggested a few applications of Vicks First Defence up each nostril – even if healthy. Intense. I like it. And, listen to this, she mandated a second dose later with additional bursts of the product.

My Experience

I adopted the method. And I must admit I didn't sniffle all winter. There were drawbacks: the numerous products I purchased, lost, bought again, found, etc. Plus the frustrating time finding you've squashed the gel bottle stored in your pocket and it's leaking all over. Still, a small cost for the benefit. As the cold season approaches once more, I'm stocked up with the singer's suggested supplies. I'm prepared to combat.

The writer

John Waller

A passionate urbanist and writer, Elara shares her experiences and research on city dynamics and personal development.

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